I left off with giving birth to my daughter and planning the best possible future with her despite my failure in choosing the right man to create a family with. I refused to give up! Whether you are single with kids or no kids, let me tell you my story of what I did that helped me stay positive and attract the right man in my life. I feel I’ve come a long way. Despite being hurt and vulnerable I tried something different and I’d like to share it and see if it helps you in anyway.
Once I knew that man did not want the responsibility of a child, I knew I had to take control and focus only on what would make me happy. I had two choices: I could let that experience lead me to never trust another man again leading to me being alone and bitter with no chance at creating a family with someone deserving of us or I could focus on that chance of finding love again; no matter how small that chance others made it feel like, I decided I did have a chance at making a loving family.
After 9 months of dates, breaks from dates, disappointments, awakenings, I learned how to detect the wrong men and focused on those who I felt had true intentions based on their actions not just words. I also made sure to let every man I date know that if they are to accept me and love me, they have to love my child as well.
I barely had but two hours max to go on dates, and couldn’t be away from my daughter longer than that. I stayed true to my identity as a mom first, letting every person know that what I’m looking for is not a fling; I made it clear I wanted a serious relationship to build my family with.
The more I said what I wanted the first time I spoke to the person, the less men stayed. Being honest and upfront helped me push the wrong men away and attract the right one.
Even after almost a year of dating, I never let bad experiences make me bitter. I still kept trying and gave every person a chance without judging them right away.
What helped me stay focused is always reminding myself of what good qualities I looked for that outweighed the bad.
I stopped wanting a person who only focused on looks and focused on a person with soul and heart that I could feel attracted to just by spending time with them. Attracted. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally. Physical didn’t mean abs and muscles, it meant posture and focusing on the persons best features despite not having a model physic, like their smile & eyes. What it took mentally for me to be connected to someone is being on the same page, having a flow of conversation, and having things in common. What it took for someone to connect with me emotionally was for him to be a gentleman that treated me with respect and made me feel good being myself!
Once I knew what to look for, making the right choices became easier. I remembered what I had to look for and that made it easier for me to enjoy my dates and not make it an interrogation.
I never lost sight of finding the one. I always believed the right person for me was out there. Little did I know I would find him sooner than later!
This person, which is now practically my husband and father to not only to my daughter but our son, had all the qualities I focused on finding and the more I trusted in him the more he opened up and showed me the best of him. Finding a good man wasn’t as hard as keeping a relationship going despite frustrations and learning about our flaws later down the road.
From what I’ve seen and heard, many of us cut that person off the moment something goes wrong, especially when it comes to our kids. I understand that because many of us still have a wall up and don’t want to invest so much of ourselves to only end up getting hurt again.
Here’s the secret: decide that you wont give up even when there will be fights & misunderstandings involving your children. This happens because your partner is learning to adapt to your ways and learning maybe something new he has no experience with. As long as he is not verbally and physically abusive to you or your children, and willing to be involved as a father there is no reason why you should cut him off.
It takes time & patience to really get adjusted to each other.
What also made this last long once we agreed that this was getting serious between us is jumping right into what most people take years to do: live with each other. Why wait and dedicate all this time to someone to only find out that living together was a mistake and it wont work. We wanted to find out sooner and had the same intentions in mind: to make it work.
I wont get into details but let me tell you…. he was always willing to change his ways and make things better as was I. We never let our egos get in the way of ruining our relationship. We treated it with care and thought twice before ending it no matter how much we fought. Eventually we ended up fighting less by talking about and avoided what caused the fight in the first place.
That takes patience and time. Its best to accept the person at their worst keeping in mind that they still have the qualities that made you fall in love in the first place.
Despite all his flaws, he was still honest, loyal, attentive and funny as ever. I never lost sight of that. When I wasn’t thinking straight, he was the one to uplift me and remind me to keep going. We both agreed we wanted a forever from the start. It takes commitment, patience, and forgiveness to keep a strong relationship going!
I’m proud to say I’ve found my forever. I’ve accepted his flaws, his ways, and his best qualities. I vow to never lose sight of that.
Be A Student of Life 