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How to attract the right person in your life

26 May

I left off with giving birth to my daughter and planning the best possible future with her despite my failure in choosing the right man to create a family with. I refused to give up! Whether you are single with kids or no kids, let me tell you my story of what I did that helped me stay positive and attract the right man in my life. I feel I’ve come a long way. Despite being hurt and vulnerable I tried something different and I’d like to share it and see if it helps you in anyway.

Once I knew that man did not want the responsibility of a child, I knew I had to take control and focus only on what would make me happy. I had two choices: I could let that experience lead me to never trust another man again leading to me being alone and bitter with no chance at creating a family with someone deserving of us or I could focus on that chance of finding love again; no matter how small that chance others made it feel like, I decided I did have a chance at making a loving family.

After 9 months of dates, breaks from dates, disappointments, awakenings, I learned how to detect the wrong men and focused on those who I felt had true intentions based on their actions not just words. I also made sure to let every man I date know that if they are to accept me and love me, they have to love my child as well.

I barely had but two hours max to go on dates, and couldn’t be away from my daughter longer than that. I stayed true to my identity as a mom first, letting every person know that what I’m looking for is not a fling; I made it clear I wanted a serious relationship to build my family with.

The more I said what I wanted the first time I spoke to the person, the less men stayed. Being honest and upfront helped me push the wrong men away and attract the right one.

Even after almost a year of dating, I never let bad experiences make me bitter. I still kept trying and gave every person a chance without judging them right away.

What helped me stay focused is always reminding myself of what good qualities I looked for that outweighed the bad.

I stopped wanting a person who only focused on looks and focused on a person with soul and heart that I could feel attracted to just by spending time with them. Attracted. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally. Physical didn’t mean abs and muscles, it meant posture and focusing on the persons best features despite not having a model physic, like their smile & eyes. What it took mentally for me to be connected to someone is being on the same page, having a flow of conversation, and having things in common. What it took for someone to connect with me emotionally was for him to be a gentleman that treated me with respect and made me feel good being myself!

Once I knew what to look for, making the right choices became easier. I remembered what I had to look for and that made it easier for me to enjoy my dates and not make it an interrogation.

I never lost sight of finding the one. I always believed the right person for me was out there. Little did I know I would find him sooner than later!

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This person, which is now practically my husband and father to not only to my daughter but our son, had all the qualities I focused on finding and the more I trusted in him the more he opened up and showed me the best of him. Finding a good man wasn’t as hard as keeping a relationship going despite frustrations and learning about our flaws later down the road.

From what I’ve seen and heard, many of us cut that person off the moment something goes wrong, especially when it comes to our kids. I understand that because many of us still have a wall up and don’t want to invest so much of ourselves to only end up getting hurt again.

Here’s the secret: decide that you wont give up even when there will be fights & misunderstandings involving your children. This happens because your partner is learning to adapt to your ways and learning maybe something new he has no experience with. As long as he is not verbally and physically abusive to you or your children, and willing to be involved as a father there is no reason why you should cut him off.

It takes time & patience to really get adjusted to each other.

What also made this last long once we agreed that this was getting serious between us is jumping right into what most people take years to do: live with each other. Why wait and dedicate all this time to someone to only find out that living together was a mistake and it wont work. We wanted to find out sooner and had the same intentions in mind: to make it work.

I wont get into details but let me tell you…. he was always willing to change his ways and make things better as was I. We never let our egos get in the way of ruining our relationship. We treated it with care and thought twice before ending it no matter how much we fought. Eventually we ended up fighting less by talking about and avoided what caused the fight in the first place.

That takes patience and time. Its best to accept the person at their worst keeping in mind that they still have the qualities that made you fall in love in the first place.

Despite all his flaws, he was still honest, loyal, attentive and funny as ever. I never lost sight of that. When I wasn’t thinking straight, he was the one to uplift me and remind me to keep going. We both agreed we wanted a forever from the start. It takes commitment, patience, and forgiveness to keep a strong relationship going!

I’m proud to say I’ve found my forever. I’ve accepted his flaws, his ways, and his best qualities. I vow to never lose sight of that.
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Love is not just a verb it’s you looking in the mirror

12 Feb

If you want something real and you want to settle this post is for you. If you just want fun with no commitment this post isn’t for you.

Do you see couples and get demotivated or do you smile and compliment them?

If you get demotivated or feel upset you may have to let go of some baggage.

Do you say this often:
“They are all the same”
“They are impossible”
“They are liars, don’t trust them”

Let me let you in on something that has been proven through out the years: The way you talk and think will turn into words which will turn Into actions that attract those kind of people.

The more you focus on the things you don’t want in a person the more of it you will attract.

Next time around look for things you can appreciate in someone and you’ll see how your focus changes. You’ll start to feel thankful and appreciate all the small details in that person.

Being thoughtful and appreciating the small things will have anyone like you. Make a person feel good and treat them right, they’ll do the same for you.

When you do choose to start talking to or date someone make sure they are motivated and someone that can make you better.

You can find that out within a week of getting to know the person.

Does he/she give you advise or are they constantly talking about them selves?

Does he/she show interest in what you do daily by asking about how your day went or do they talk about themselves?

Look out for self-absorbed people they may want to impress you & have looks but chances are they are selfish and won’t value you in the future . Don’t go for short term pleasure if you want long term gains, see the bigger picture always.

Going back to upset and disappointment … It can be avoided by looking at yourself first.

Some of us go from the wrong person as a challenge and try to change that person. Others do it because they see in that person what they lack.

If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not to people or things…

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy taken. Be sure to work on yourself first before dedicating yourself to someone else.

Let go of grudges, forgive, and let go so that you don’t block yourself out of a good opportunity to experience something great.

You don’t have a special someone this valentines to feel great. Pamper and make yourself feel good instead!

Happy Valentines Day!

Happiness is a choice.

16 Jan

Being happy in a relationship

Both partners being  happy in a relationship is something many couples struggle with because of not being on the same page or asking the right  questions.

Now as students of life, when we want something we must study it.

That why I’ve taken the time to ask my friends and get feedback as to what makes both partners happy in a relationship. The screen shot of feedback are below the page ! 🙂

As you’re balancing your life, part of it is studying things you want to be good at.

Today’s post is about what it takes for both partners to be happy in a relationship. You’ll e getting my perspective based out of my experience in a 5 year relationship and others people’s current experiences as well.

If you want a good relationship, study it.

Certainty. Reassurance. Security. Recognition.

These are all things we want to feel & we expect when we’re with someone.

Issues arise when we see out needs aren’t been met by someone who we had expectations for.

Although one partner isn’t meeting  needs the way that the partner wants, he or she still feels that they’ve been doing their part, while the other disagrees.

Some tend to start reaching out to others for advise so that they make a fair decision without realizing that any advise from someone who is not in your relationship will be flawed.

Why anyone’s advise other than your own becomes flawed.

It is because no one person is the same. When friends and family give you advise they take sides and give their opinion based on their experience which may not apply to your situation.

You can’t change things out of your control.

Some tend to try to change the way the person is so that they get their need met.

This is where it gets out of one’s control because its not possible to change someone unless they feel they need to or want to change.

The trick is to see them and treat them as the change you want to see.

The main issue is that each partner had their own way of showing love and it may not be the way their partner is expecting. Out of this arise feelings of not being appreciated, confusion, anger, and frustration which can ultimately damage a relationship

To keep a healthy relationship both partners must be willing to change.

Not change themselves, but change their approach towards doing things that do make their partner happy. Making an effort to ask questions about what makes them happy.

The best kind of feedback or advise you can ever get is the one your partner gives you. That’s how you get to really know your partner’s wants and needs.

Things to keep in mind:

  • Asking the right questions avoids wasting time on both ends.
  • There is no perfect man or woman with all the qualities; you’ve got to be willing to compromise.
  • If you’re dating and the connection and attraction is just right, it’s worth you spending some time on.
  • As you get to know someone you can determine what you’re willing to compromise or meet half way on.
  • You can’t change someone; instead treat them as the change you want to see in them.
  • Don’t let bad experience make you bitter, let it make you wiser.
  • It is possible to learn to understand each other but only if both partners make the effort. No one likes to do everything alone.
  • No one person is the same, every person you meet deserves a clean slate. Let go of the baggage.
  • it’s time to understand more, fear less.
  • Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and get what you really want.

Whether you’re single and looking or in a relationship, its always good to know these things!

Check out what others are saying:


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Striving for CANI

8 Jan

Constant
And
Never-ending
Improvement

Striving for better every day. Achieving one thing daily is constantly improving.
It’s either uphill /or downhill \ no plateau —.
If we can improve on one thing in each area of our lives we’d achieve balance which would mean happiness and fulfillment.

The hardest thing to master in life is balance. we all want quick results & answers because we live in such a high paced world with things on demand that patience is really becoming hard to sustain.

Achieving balance means having time to dedicate to all areas of our lives. Balance requires patience because focus is divided here for taking longer to achieve. Once it had been mastered our lives will feel complete.

That is my mission. As most of you may already know I aspire to be a life coach. Im working on mastering balance so I study life. I’m a student of life who will one day transform into a life coach. I do this because by helping myself first ill be in better shape to help others. In order to be of good service and help others the right way I need to have mastered what I talk about & put the concept of balance to practice.

As the weeks have passed by I’ve posted things in social media about setting goals in areas of life such as

Health
Career
Relationships
Money
Growth
Fun/adventure

I’ve talked about setting one year goals in each area, creating a dream board.

I’m focused on is health. My goal is to lose 20lbs by March 2013.

I’m also making space for my career by writing on this blog once week.

Working on a relationship with someone who has similar values and is helping me grow, and keeping a close bond with my family and friends.

Growth: I’ve signed up for the adopt a meal program and other organizations to contribute and grow once a week.

Money: I have 3 interviews lined up tomorrow and I’ve been looking into short term investment options like CDs so I can get some ROI by July 2013.

Fun/adventure: I’m finally getting to step outside my comfort zone and exploring Miami for the first time ever.
I’m taking road trips and visiting different cities in the weekend.

The goal is to be an example of balance. Always make space and room for all areas of your life for maximum fulfillment. When we take the time to prioritize ourselves, set goals, take action, measure progress, and stay consistent success is around the corner

Life Support

22 Dec

This post is a little all over the place! It talks about finding yourself & discovering a hidden talent.

I hope that my story on how I lost myself & how I discovered my brother’s talent can serve as a reminder that we all have a purpose; to pay close attention to the people closest to us and help guide them when they need it most.

I’m not speaking to anyone in particular, this is aimed to speak to parents, teachers, siblings, family, friends, & coworkers.

Discovering talent is something exciting especially if its within the circle of people closest to you.

My Story…

As a daughter of parents whom I’ve let down on several occasions in the past for dropping out of college and not becoming a doctor or a nurse as they wanted, it has been a struggle. Almost an identity crisis. Feeling of not having purpose or talent at one point.

I’ve changed my career4 times in a matter of 5 years. Every time it has brought me a new set of challenges and opposing views from those who love me most my parents. I’ve gone from nursing, business, marketing, real estate, and now coaching. My parents have become frustrated and even lost belief in me. They thought I had no future at one point, upset at my instability.

They had no idea I was trying to discover myself and choose my path wisely. That it took all those bumps in the head: the identity crisis, hitting rock bottom, gaining weight, being in a 5 year relationship headed no where to realize my purpose. It took 5 years of my life to truly choose a path I’m passionate about!

That is why I’m passionate about this subject, because I wouldn’t want others to go through that long struggle I went through at such an early age. I wouldn’t want anyone to feel alone or helpless.

I understand the parents role in wanting the best for their children; to discipline their children and push them to become someone well known and recognized with a title, or at least that’s how my mother sees it. but I’ve come to realize that with high expectations in someone comes an upset and frustration.

I hope this post can really change your outlook, and if this reminds you of a friend or family member going thought the same thing, send them a link to this post. Have them call me I’d be glad to share my experience and talk to them.

I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s important for parents to always be happy with their child’s decision to pursue their passion. Even if its not the best profession. But even then, there is still a missing piece to the puzzle: once we accept that persons decision to take a certain path, we close ourselves out of observing that person for more potential because we are caught up in our own lives and have already accepted that person’s chosen path.

But what if we could start to notice & point out more than one skill or talent in someone even though they have already chosen their path?

This may just help in boosting their confidence, believing in themselves more, and getting a sense of certainty that if one plan doesn’t work out, there is another path to choose.

This works well especially for a young adult who is no longer pursuing a sport or activity they used to do in high school that could of been a career for them and now has no idea what path to take. Quitting a sport or activity can affect their identity and leave them wondering if there is any future in store for them.

With no compelling future its easy to fall into lowering standards and taking bad paths just to get by.

I’m not a parent but I’am a sister and I do know that it’s important to encourage your own kids, siblings, friends, and family to be the best they can be at what they chose to pursue.

Discovering a talent within can take a long time and if we could be there to help them discover it, tell them they have a purpose, and that they are talented then that will give them that push of inspiration to be strong an continue to chase a dream.

That’s what I did with my brother.

My Brother’s Hidden Talent…

One day during the week a few months ago, I was passing by Emilio’s room and I overheard him singing. It was a school night just like any other. he was singing “Simply Amazing” by Trey Songz, when he hit a high note and caught my attention.

I could of kept minding my own business in my room but I stopped to listen to him and recognize how good he sounded. Even though he had a set path in basketball and is still in high school, I let him know that I felt he could possibly have a career in singing. He saw that I believed in him and he kept singing that night.

He got so confident that he broke out of his shell and started singing to girls and his classmates in school. He hasn’t stopped singing since then.

All it took was someone noticing & believing in him! So proud!

Check it out and leave a comment. If you feel he has potential he would really appreciate it if you could spread the word and share with your friends. Emilio also has a separate audio clip he can send to you as well.

Emilio Perez Singing

My friends and family are my support system. They tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear and they are there for me in the good and bad times. Without them I have no idea where I would be and I know that their love for me is what’s keeping my head above the water.

-Kelly Clarkson

What its Like to Connect with a Complete Stranger

25 May

Concept: showing love to everyone. Even if you dont know them. Its about what impact you can make not what you could get in return.

Can you walk up to a complete stanger and start a conversation?

Now, if you go thought your life not talking to new people everyday, how much missed connections and opportunities would have gone by?

Why even talk to strangers in the first place?

Well first off, we are all social and crave connection. The challange is we dont connect with people we dont know because of the fear of not knowing what could happen.

What if by talking to stanger you end up making a good friend or connection out of it? How much more value would that add to your life?

If your like me, you want to grow and connect with others. You’d like to meet others but dont know where to start or what to say.

See it this way, when you talk to a person you dont know you could talk for hours.

Where is your focus? Is it on satisfying your needs, or realy gettting to know the person?

When you get to know someone, you are giving them something you cant getback – time.

When you use that time to really connect and show that person your soul, what your made up of, most usually respond well & keep you in their life.

Why?

We all need positive people with a good heart in our lives. When others infect you with their positive mindset & compassion you become positive & compassionate as well. Then you become close to that person because of that connection. When you start to focus on that positive connection with others, you start to make an impact on their lives.

The moment you focus on what you could do for a person you dont know at all, is the moment your connected with your soul. The truly passionate loving person that has walls up for protection.

When you let go and climb over those walls, abundance and fullfillment flow through. Its not about fearing the concequence. its about leaving a mark in every persons life even if they dont show appreciation back. When you love and give with nothing in return, you become limitless! You wont even have time to focus on keeping tabs with others because you’ll be enjoying every bit that you give out.

I say if your going to live on this earth might as well make a difference.

So when you’re out this weekend having a good time with friends and family, keep in mind the less fortunate.

Give:

  • Your loose change or single dollars to highschool sports teams collecting money.
  • Give the food you’re throwing away to someone who doesnt have a home.
  • If you see someone fall help them up.
  • If you see someone lost, help guide them.
  • Compliment someone everyday.
  • Offer to share what you have with others.

I’ll continue to keep this all in mind through out the weekend and have fun doing it.

Give love & always have fun- life’s too short to be anything but happy.

Have a safe Memeorial Day weekend! 🙂