Adaptation.

8 Jan

Sorry I’ve been away from writing. A lot has happened, made another decision that turned my life around & I want to share this with you. All my posts are so that my experiences enlighten you and show you that its our reaction towards things that truly make a difference in the story of our lives.

It’s all fun and  until you tell  them: “I’m pregnant” to man up to their consequences. That’s when you test a man’s true character.

I had missed my period for two weeks but I wasn’t throwing up. They day before the pregnancy stick test, I went to go see him at his job. The drinks that were offered to me didn’t seem appealing anymore. My breasts where sensitive and sore. I told him I might be pregnant, and he smirked and stayed by me all night as I kept him company till after work. We had a great time that night.

The day after, I called him with three pregnancy sticks which all said positive in my hand and said: “you’re going to be a father”

His reaction wasn’t pretty. He wasn’t excited at all. He said there is no way we can have it, because he wasn’t stable financially to have a child and neither was I. It wasn’t long before he got agitated and hung up on me.

I kept my cool. We met a couple of more times and he got motivated. He said he wanted to me meet my mom and brother, move in and start a family. He told me the most beautiful words I’ve ever heard: “I’m forgetting the world its about me you and our little angel. I hope the baby comes out a girl so she comes out a beautiful princess like her mommy.”

Every time he held my tummy and kept his hand there after falling asleep. It was the best feeling I’ve ever felt. I still feel his hands and touch till this day.

I remember the last day I saw him, I’ll never forget it.

He came to my house and I got lost in his alluring touch and I gave in. Once again. I found myself in his arms with satisfaction and excitement. Just like day one. We finished our business and laid in bed looking up at the ceiling holding each other. We hadn’t touched on the subject for a while about him coming to meet my family and he wasn’t bringing it up, so I did.

He didn’t look to happy because I reminded him. He kept thinking of the stress and money that it would cost to maintain a baby because he had already been through this once with the mother of his son. and I was focused on how beautiful it could be. A young girl with not the slightest clue of what it would be like. I listened.. he made a lot of sense and really tried to talk sense into me about an abortion in the nicest way possible.

I had no words for him. I let his words sink into my soul and I just couldn’t stand the idea of killing a  life forming inside me.  We went back in forth talking with two different view points. As soon as I broke down and he saw me in tears, I could see how it affected him. He held me but I couldn’t stop crying, his touch made me more emotional. It wasn’t long before he got agitated and stormed out the door…

Some stay, other’s go because they can’t handle it. Unfortunately the man I picked to have my child decided to leave & not be involved at all. That’s life. I trusted, got hurt and things went sour. After the two months of not seeing the babies father anymore. feelings of loneliness & disappointment slowly creeped up on me. The months after he left was the toughest. The sadness and disappointment lasted two week before I got tired of feeling that way and decided to change my focus…

I wasn’t prepared to be a single parent, but life doesn’t prepare you; it throws things at you unexpectedly. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but the way i see it is my daughter deserves a right to life; a right to exist. 

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Being a single parent is very mental.  I decided to be a parent the moment I knew what risk my actions had. I decided to see the father with loving eyes because he gave me the gift of being a mother which I didn’t know I had.  I decided to forgive him for not being ready to commit to me and the baby.  We are in touch and I tell him about my progress. He always responds, and even though he isn’t there, I know there’s still a part of him that wants to be there which is why I don’t give him grief. I’m glad he isn’t involved because there is nothing worse than trying to make it work with someone who doesn’t want to. Everything always comes with time.

I’m now almost 7 months & still haven’t seen the baby’s dad . I’ve had some anxiety and fear of the future  and I’ve helped pull myself out by asking myself how I can stay on track and not lose hope…

I’ve noticed that the thoughts of being lonely only come when I lack motivation or don’t remind myself of something to look forward to or be excited about for me and my daughter. Being a single parent is something I look forward to because it will inspire me to mold my daughter & teach her not only from my mistakes but that suffering only exists if you let it.

I chose to NOT suffer because one decision turning sour doesn’t define my life, its what I do from this day forward that does!

Its not losing sight of my goal. I’m happy to say I’ve had a great pregnancy all thanks to being able to focus on something bigger than what I lack. Bigger than depression.  I was given a gift of having a child that I could pass on my legacy to. She is the push and motivation I need to become more.

 

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6 Responses to “Adaptation.”

  1. Belinda Aurelien January 8, 2014 at 10:03 pm #

    I am not pregnant, I do not have a child yet, I am still waiting on Mr Right for me and a ring but this is inspiring and I wish you the best, It s good that you decided to look at it that way and not be angry towards him and I hope this message reach to many other single parent in the world and affect them in a positive way . Great message

    • jperez89 January 9, 2014 at 4:41 am #

      Hey Belinda, long time huh?! FFC days ! Ha.. Thank you ! That’s the goal to pass this on and help inspire other single parents . It’s changing the meaning we attach to our experiences that make a big difference

  2. Brandon January 8, 2014 at 10:06 pm #

    This is very good. You spoke from the heart. There is no need to be afraid but when you find the right guy he will love you and take care of you child like it was his. At least I know I would if I dated someone with a child. I’ll be moving to Amtrak so one evening we should catch up and have a quick dinner.

    Sent from my iPhone 5s Gold

    >

    • jperez89 January 9, 2014 at 4:43 am #

      Thanks Brandon , appreciate it. I’m very caught up with planning and working Ill do what I can

  3. Darlene January 9, 2014 at 1:42 am #

    Keep on what you are doing. You are a great example. Never loose sight of what really matters, and that is your baby. And, ofcourse, never loose hope. With hope, anything is possible. Good luck!

    • jperez89 January 9, 2014 at 4:43 am #

      Thank you sweetie. I’ll never lose faith or hope. There’s always a way to make things better, it’s a decision

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